Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Getting back in my element

Tears welled up in my eyes and despite the efforts i made to keep them constricted, i felt my face flush as they trickled down my cheeks. Why on earth was i crying? I had no idea.
I had been running away from this vast jumbled up world that is my mind for what seems like forever.. I didn't want to cry..Damn it!! But the slow and bluesy melody of an R'n'b song on my mp3 player, brought a torrent of emotions flooding through me and before long, i was shaking like i was having a seizure. After sometime, i tried to calm down and make some sense of my emotions.

You see, i was very unhappy..Had been, for a while but I'd been hiding behind a facade. Yes!! lying even to myself that everything was fine.

The problem was, my unhappiness was unfanthomed and No it wasn't heartbreak or depression...More like a horrible feeling of despair. Without even realizing it, i had slowly been slipping into a state of paranoia..The real me, was now lost in a pile of self-pity.

Since i was a child, I've always been a go-getter, an achiever with big dreams and a fierce spirit. Now, its almost as if I've lost my purpose and drive..As much as I'd like to say that there's nothing unorthodox about my feelings, i know I'm deriding myself and i choose not to believe in a delusion..

Have you ever felt like you were in a box that just kept closing in on you?..well, that's pretty much an explanation of how i feel
A myriad of thoughts are coming to me now. I suddenly understand the epiphany of the phrase
getting back in my element

I'm tired of being alive and not living
I'm tired of passing through each day like a dream..
A new day is dawn for me.It's time for me to wake up and evolve

I need to snap out of my reverie.. I'M GETTING BACK IN MY ELEMENT!!!


Bibi said...

BRAVO GIRL!!!. thats a good one altough i have to admit that a read it twice before i could fully comprehend the whole thing. don't worry, it'll be all good. we've all been there before. at least i have. lol. so cheer up and like you said, get back in your element!

Anonymous said...

I understand where you're coming from about getting back into your element. I had to do that this holiday I left all my goals untouched for like 6 months...

Good luck! x

JideSalu's Diary said...

Listen lady, you are not alone with your challenges and thoughts. From where I am, I can say you have so much to conquer, so many ideas are oozing to tear free and you are not quite sure how to go about it.

All I will suggest is - take one day as it comes. Remember you were not created by mistake.

Just do. And keep on doing. And it will be DONE. Then the smiles will RETURN.

Check me out with MY ramblings at

Hope to see you soon.


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fashinga said...

@ Bibi...thanks a lot...your words are very encouraging...@Therapy, i appreciate your understanding..Thanks :)....@ Jidesalu's Diary,when i read your comment, i felt like you really understood where i was coming from and you dont know how much your words have helped to inspire me..Thanks a lot..God bless you all

o said...

I feel u jor... its happens sometimes. i glad u snapped out of it lol..this life is beautiful..just know where to find ur happiness. u already know who this is..good one fashinga