Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Getting back in my element

Tears welled up in my eyes and despite the efforts i made to keep them constricted, i felt my face flush as they trickled down my cheeks. Why on earth was i crying? I had no idea.
I had been running away from this vast jumbled up world that is my mind for what seems like forever.. I didn't want to cry..Damn it!! But the slow and bluesy melody of an R'n'b song on my mp3 player, brought a torrent of emotions flooding through me and before long, i was shaking like i was having a seizure. After sometime, i tried to calm down and make some sense of my emotions.

You see, i was very unhappy..Had been, for a while but I'd been hiding behind a facade. Yes!! lying even to myself that everything was fine.

The problem was, my unhappiness was unfanthomed and No it wasn't heartbreak or depression...More like a horrible feeling of despair. Without even realizing it, i had slowly been slipping into a state of paranoia..The real me, was now lost in a pile of self-pity.

Since i was a child, I've always been a go-getter, an achiever with big dreams and a fierce spirit. Now, its almost as if I've lost my purpose and drive..As much as I'd like to say that there's nothing unorthodox about my feelings, i know I'm deriding myself and i choose not to believe in a delusion..

Have you ever felt like you were in a box that just kept closing in on you?..well, that's pretty much an explanation of how i feel
A myriad of thoughts are coming to me now. I suddenly understand the epiphany of the phrase
getting back in my element

I'm tired of being alive and not living
I'm tired of passing through each day like a dream..
A new day is dawn for me.It's time for me to wake up and evolve

I need to snap out of my reverie.. I'M GETTING BACK IN MY ELEMENT!!!