Saturday, February 28, 2009
GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH
Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.
But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions, love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.
A while ago, i read a great book called "Men are from mars, women are from Venus(or vice/versa)" and a few days ago, i was reminiscing on the confrontational moments i had with my Ex. The days when we used to argue over the silliest things.
REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES (excerpt)
"Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel."
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be disappointed again and again and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.
Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.
Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. When you remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, everything can be explained."
I have been trying for so long to figure men out. why they do certain things they do, how they feel about certain things we( women) do. This book gave me a little insight and i could completely empathize with the context of its content.
There are times when i would do things for my man and hope that he sees that the reason i'm doing them is because i care.
I expect some sort of acknowledgment of the efforts i'm making to keep him happy..when he doesnt reciprocate, i relentlessly keep up. hoping that one day, he'll see all the things i do for him. It gets to a point where i begin to feel unapreciated and frustrated. i can suddenly not take it anymore and my pent up antipation becomes aggresion, im thinking "he just doesnt care about me".
You see, maybe he does care, he just may be oblivious to the things the woman wants & or needs. This leads the woman to think that the man is excedingly selfish when all along SHE was doing these things for him hoping to ellicit some sort of return.....he did not ask her to do them. The man thinks that the woman has suddenly changed & become a bitch cuz she now no longer does these things with a smile, if at all. The woman gets fed up doing things for a man that does not appreciate her.
i think it all boils down to the fact that perhaps I am not speaking a language which he can understand, nor is he speaking mine. This is not to say our miscommunication is one or another's fault, we just need to try to figure out each other's language.
Sometimes, we all forget just how different we are. We expect him know exactly how we feel and he us..... This "magic" between 'us' is something i dont know if i'll ever be able to comprehend..
i might not be back soon cos i've got a lot of things on my to-do list but i hope this post has been insightful to some of you.. Be sure to share your thoughts on what you think..