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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus..


GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH

Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.

But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.

With the best and most loving intentions, love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.


A while ago, i read a great book called "Men are from mars, women are from Venus(or vice/versa)" and a few days ago, i was reminiscing on the confrontational moments i had with my Ex. The days when we used to argue over the silliest things.



REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES (excerpt)

"Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel."

We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be disappointed again and again and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.

Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.

Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. When you remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, everything can be explained."



I have been trying for so long to figure men out. why they do certain things they do, how they feel about certain things we( women) do. This book gave me a little insight and i could completely empathize with the context of its content.

There are times when i would do things for my man and hope that he sees that the reason i'm doing them is because i care.
I expect some sort of acknowledgment of the efforts i'm making to keep him happy..when he doesnt reciprocate, i relentlessly keep up. hoping that one day, he'll see all the things i do for him. It gets to a point where i begin to feel unapreciated and frustrated. i can suddenly not take it anymore and my pent up antipation becomes aggresion, im thinking "he just doesnt care about me".

You see, maybe he does care, he just may be oblivious to the things the woman wants & or needs. This leads the woman to think that the man is excedingly selfish when all along SHE was doing these things for him hoping to ellicit some sort of return.....he did not ask her to do them. The man thinks that the woman has suddenly changed & become a bitch cuz she now no longer does these things with a smile, if at all. The woman gets fed up doing things for a man that does not appreciate her.

i think it all boils down to the fact that perhaps I am not speaking a language which he can understand, nor is he speaking mine. This is not to say our miscommunication is one or another's fault, we just need to try to figure out each other's language.

Sometimes, we all forget just how different we are. We expect him know exactly how we feel and he us..... This "magic" between 'us' is something i dont know if i'll ever be able to comprehend..

i might not be back soon cos i've got a lot of things on my to-do list but i hope this post has been insightful to some of you.. Be sure to share your thoughts on what you think..

Later luvs...Kisses!!!!
F.

15 comments:

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

we are all indeed different. No doubt about it. No one is perfect and we just have to learn to accept the flaws in others and ourselves as well.

Anyway, why aren't yo coming back? Are you abandoning blogsville as well?

NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

fashinga said...

Hey Solomonsydelle, thanks for dropping by..how have you been?
and NO im not leaving blogsville.omg! i just got here..lol.
I meant i might not be back soon cos i'm very busy at the moment.. i guess i didnt make that clear..i better go change it

african weight loss diva said...

yeah, the part am guilty of, is doing things for my bf and expecting appreciation. And most times, it doesnt come. I need to read that book jare.

Good post. Deep too!

Anonymous said...

hmmm...very intruiging post..i just came across your blog and i must say that i'm impressed.. you can be funny and like someone said, deep at the same time.
I'm a guy and i understand how women sometimes expect us to know exactly what they're feeling. We are all really different. Nice one

Afrobabe said...

I think I personally really needed to hear the fact that cos we are in love doesn't make us act the same way....

~Sirius~ said...

LOL!
I gave up on guys ages ago- we are complicated and so are they.

There is no formula to work them out, so I just adapt to whatever comes my way.

And of course I do have set standards of what I'm willing to accept and what needs to be dropped like it's hot! before I get burnt.

wordmerchant said...

You post brought back memories..arguments i had because i wasn't being heard or appreciated, now i see all the things he did too that i didn't notice either.

You are right, we should appreciate what is different, life will be a lot more easier.

Nefertiti said...

:-) Hey Fashingaa, Thanks for stopping by my blog. I don't know if I love your blog yet, but if this one post is anything to go by, it shouldn't be hard to fall in love with your blog.

Very true! I was taught a while back about love languages, and my life has never been the same. It's important for couples to learn to speak each other's love languages. there's a lot of frustration otherwise.

Don't stay too busy o. Remember us every once in a while.

SECRET DIARY said...

hiya, by the rule of federal government of google, the pic on ur blog makes this a porno blog. it should be rate 18. u must be punished for not warning me b4 i entered. i feel corrupted. i'm off to church to get cleansed. ciao.

babajidesalu said...

Hi Fashingaa,

Very fascinating blog entry. of course we are different in so many ways.

To start with, we all must accept that even identical twins are different.

A couple with complete different backgrounds will produce different scenes.

It is not only for the obvious reasons that Men are uniquely created from Women, men and women need to go the extra mile to understand where each is coming from.

For instance, I never knew from the onset that wifey is not a chat chat morning person, on the contrary, once I am awake, off I go. It was after I took time to find out the real reasons behind her every morning mood did I realise I needed to accept this and work round it. That was many years ago, now, its all changed.

So 'fash', understanding is key. Even people of the same sex could relate like two people from either planet mars or venus.

By the way say hello to your uncle..

Takia and God bless

fashinga said...

africanweightlossdiva..i dont think expecting appreciation from your man is wrong but you just have to realize that he cant read your mind always..thanks for stopping by sweetie!!
@Afrobabe..welcome to my blog babes..
@Sirius..i concurr!!!!! lol...we are both complicated and like you, i've stopped trying to figure them out and i just take whatever comes as it is..
@wordmerchant..Exactly! there are also things men do for us that we fail to notice and vice-versa....it's all about knowing and understanding the person you're with.
@Nefertiti..Thaanks dear i love your blog...thanks for stopping by mine and i'll try not to stay too busy..
@Secret diary..LOL!!! im sorry..i didnt realize the pic was so bad..please dont punish me...and when you go to church, put in a prayer for me..lmao!!

Anonymous said...

Fashingaa.. i like your name..lol
Nice post..good job. takia

african weight loss diva said...

I just had another quarrel with my bf, and decided to come back and read this post. He's trading a night with me for a night with the boys. AM boiling........Why cant they just understand eh?

Fashinga said...

AfricanWeightLossDiva...lmao!!!!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!! rflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that i've laughed to my satisfaction, i can now talk..lol

Eiyah sweetie...i feel your pain..can you imagine???? anyway, let him go out with the boys now..he'll come back wont he?? hehehe

Dabizniz said...

Great Post