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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

EMPOWERMENT!!

Aunt Christa went in to study nursing in the university....somewhere along the line, she met a man who later became her husband... Physically, he wasn't an attractive man but when asked by her close friend's and immediate family, she maintained that his personality was what mattered.. Besides, she said... 'He is also a doctor and we're in the same field'


Christa went along to marry this man and together, they built an empire.... He managed to establish a hospital in a remote village in Delta state Nigeria. Prior to this, residents of this village would have to travel far to the city to get medical attention but now,the whole village came to him instead.. he became nothing short of a messiah....


With the tremendous success of the hospital, he began opening branches in different rural neighborhoods for people who couldn't afford to travel long distances to go to hospitals in the city.... Eventually and over a period of time, he and his wife had managed to open several hospitals and pharmacies all over southern Nigeria... They were wealthy!!


Of course!! as is synonymous to the African culture, the husband took on the responsibility of seeing some of Aunt Christa's family member's through school... He even offered jobs to most of them in some of his numerous hospitals and pharmacies. A huge part of her family which had come from abject poverty now depended on Christa and her husband for their welfare...

Many years had passed and their marriage had produced two lovely kids...Then Christa decided to bring home her 18 year old niece from the village to train in school and help around the house as well...
Yes!! Yes!! You guessed right!! no surprise when our dear 'Unattractive but wealthy Doctor husband' started sleeping with this girl and he was at it for a while too before they got caught...
Now, how the cat was let out of the bag, i have no idea, but what i do know is that a lot of mayhem erupted from this shameless act.. The family was greatly disappointed and enraged at their son-in-law who had 'taken advantage of' and slept with Christa's NIECE!!!!

They called family meetings and repeatedly rebuked him for his actions.. Finally, the reaction we've all been waiting for... Christa's husband became angry and demanded some respect from her 'ungrateful' family members.. He would not take their insults anymore and as a matter of fact, was ready to MARRY the niece as a second wife if it was such a big deal...

WHAT??!! Christa couldn't believe her ears and neither could the members of her family who vehemently refused that he marry the little girl..

When it became apparent that they weren't going to give him their 'blessings', he went ahead to marry her anyway without their consent..At this point, the hurt and angry Christa who would not be a 'fellow wife' to ANYONE...especially not her own niece, decided to pack her things and leave...
Things went downhill from then on..

The 'husband' stopped paying the fees for her family member's whom he'd been training and he also fired each and every one of them from the job's he'd given them. He withdrew all favours and completely turned his back on Christa and all of her family..

Christa was completely helpless..No home, no money, no job...Nothing!! Yes....it's true that she and her husband had both worked for everything he owned but that didn't change the fact that she knew little about all the documents to the Properties, Cars etc which were all in his name by the way... She didn't even have a bank account of her own because she'd believed that since they were husband and wife, then they were one and as such should operate a joint account...

Now, she had access to NOTHING at all.... where would she start from?? Where??? after all these years???

*******************

Three years has passed since that incident and Christa as well as her ever supportive family are knocking on our dear husband's door and begging him to 'forgive her for leaving' and take her back. The suffering has been over-bearing and she has had to swallow her pride with a big glass of water...

Aunt Christa is my dad's Friend's cousin. (Hope I'm not confusing you) He told me this story yesterday and what immediately came to my mind was the thought that the importance of female empowerment cannot be stressed enough... If i was her,I'd be damned if I'd ever go back begging... I'd rather die than beg that fool after everything he did... but that's what Christa is doing right now and lets face it, so many factors are against her... Age, the ever deteriorating economy of Nigeria and most importantly, the will to start over..

We as women should learn from the mistakes of people like Aunt Christa.... we should learn to empower ourselves financially so that in the face of an event like this, we wouldn't be helpless.

It's not surprising how most women who even have jobs don't really have anything to show for it except a nice wardrobe, car and fancy things.Don't leave the money making decisions to your man to decide neither should you depend solely on him to survive..Anything can happen... Divorce, or even death of a spouse and then where does that leave you? and your kids if any?

For those of us who aren't married, the same thing applies to us. Even though we have boyfriend's that are willing to take care of us, we should be able to stand on our own two feet and be independent.
I know a girl who didn't wanna leave her boyfriend after all his physical abuse, cheating and ill-treatment, just because she depended on him for a lot of things... Money-wise i mean.

If men can do it, why can't we?? #Food for thought

Later Luvs...Kisses!!
F.

15 comments:

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Sting said...

I couldn't agree with u more. I have stories to tell. Thankfully, my mom has raised us not to be dependent on any man and make our own money.

doll said...

wow! they had to go and beg???????sad and totally degrading...i totally agree that...every woman must have an independent source of income and sustainability. there should be life before and after a man

Ms.O said...

WOW when I read stoires like this it makes me realise how much work still needs to be done in Nigeria regarding empowerment and female liberation in general. Thank God for education.

Hope you good mama!

~Sirius~ said...

WORD!!!

I Thank God my Mum raised me Blaring empowerment in my ears.....

I lost my uncle 6yrs ago....his wife was a PHD housewife......she was devastated to say the least.
With Kids in Posh Private universities in the UK.

I just keep praying more women learn these things.......no one is saying don't invest and grow with your partner.....Let the documents say "we" or half "him" the other half 'You"

Myne Whitman said...

Food for thought indeed. These kinds of stories make me wonder what some women are thinking in this day and age. SMH.

Fashinga said...

Sting: hey booba!!! Yeah...same here...That was the same training my Mom instilled in me and it's never left me...It's so sad to hear stories like this...

Doll: Exactly!!! well said.... yes they went to beg... can you imagine??? I don't think i could ever do that... i've got wayyyy too much pride.. thanks for coming thru booski!!

Ms. O: LE CHEF DU EXTRIODINAIRE!!! lmao!!! yeah i'm good...just chilling and dealing with life...yeah i think there should be seminars or programs that can educate women on financial empowerment and independence or something like that...
btw, i visited ur food blog and damn girl!!!!! if i were a man, i would definitely wife u!!! lol..

Sirius!!: hey babe... sorry abt ur uncle... i totally agree with you... You can still grow with your partner but at least have something to fall back on... it doesnt make you a pessimist... it just means you're being cautious..

Myne Whitman: Still my favourite author... :-) This your name is a pseudonym right? i wonder how you came up with it... It's niicce...lol!! anyway, yeah i wonder the same... when i hear stories like this, i get mixed feelings... sympathy and anger at the sheer carelessness of the woman... Yes, we know nobody plans for anything bad to happen but there's always a slight chance!!

Thanks for the luv guys... you're the best...muah!!

mizchif said...

Stories like this are saddening.

Women need to do more for themselves.

As it is if he stopped taking care of their kids, she'd definitely still have to beg him. And this is a woman who was actually trained as a nurse.
Such a pity.

Nice Anon said...

See what I mean?? This is a reason a mother and a wife here went shoplifting at macys! A Nigerian woman for that matter.

rtfgvb793 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Ms.O said...

ehem *walking thru?* its been a minute mama!

Femme Lounge said...

its so sad she had to go back to beg him, its true if she had her own source of income she would have been able to stand on her own.

Anonymous said...

Only fools who look after the physical attributes of a man as her gauge to marry him rather than the man's attitude.

zimmer hip lawyer said...

Better invest in the inside rather than the outside. :)

myheartlongsthesea said...

I could not agree more. Besides being financially independent from our boyfriend or husband even just for a while creates an inner pride in us.


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